Out Of The Darkness

caleb-hernandez-belmonte-7VNb8648Fu0-unsplash.jpg

I’m currently under a blanket on my couch, “Home Alone” is playing in the background as my son sits next to me playing in his pj’s. For the first time in over a week I am spending my day downstairs. Earlier this week when I tried so hard to get down for my son’s arrival home from school he’d run in delighted screaming- “Mommy’s downstairs!” I think hoping each time the end of my recovery had arrived- we all were. Of course he understood when I would have to go back up and retreat to our bed, as did my very patient and amazing husband who is single-handedly managing the house, our son, his work, home school, the dog and me.

The recovery for an average person is 3-5 days. Being on day 9 I’m obviously anything but average. My pain until Friday was unrelenting and agonizing for many hours of everyday and night. I never expected it- I’m so used to having discomfort but this was different then anything before. I’ve realized that most people have the luxury of stronger pain medications or more importantly anti spasm medications to avoid my reality. Left with no safe options I had no choice but to ride this out. And it has certainly been a ride.

My doctor and I communicated daily - “I think your having a large inflammatory response.” “Me? How could that be?” I would quip back sarcastically. This really shouldn’t be a surprise to me but in many ways it was. And so I’ve taken each day as it comes and sometimes even each hour.

Knowing Hanukkah was this week we spoke to our son about delaying a week or two so I could feel better. While slightly hesitant he agreed which I now realize was asking a lot of a seven year old. On the first night however, his excitement could not be contained and it became clear postponing was not an option. As I asked my husband to get the decoration boxes he shrieked in delight, excited to find his favorite dreidels and for the blinking lights and Hanukkah banners to be hung. I suddenly found myself hanging decorations knowing my pain was being masked by my son’s joy- perhaps the most healing thing of all.

While I would need to spend the rest of the night in bed the break in my pain to celebrate was a light in my dark week. And even though we had to use Shabbat candles because I was not prepared they still shined brightly. The symbolism obvious - but a blatant reminder of the importance these moments of celebrations mean right now.

So as this season of light begins, and as celebrations look different and smaller, I hope everyone will still find the brightness and feel the powerful reminder it carries-, even when it seems impossible, we can find our way out of the darkness.

Previous
Previous

Our Winter Ride

Next
Next

Healing With Love