The Power of our Love

I have written often about riding the waves of my health but in the month of May I also ride waves of grief since the passing of my Mom four years ago.  Mother's Day begins the emotional ride of my ups and downs- followed days later by her Birthday and another week later the day she died.  I anticipate these three weeks every year - never knowing what emotions will emerge but bracing myself for the highs and lows that I am certain to feel.

Of course I miss my Mom always - but those who have lost someone so dear know some days and weeks are harder than others.  My Mom also suffered from the rare diseases I live with along with some additional complicating factors. In her final weeks in May 2016 it was clear that her problems had far exceeded the science she was so desperately waiting  to catch up to save her and my nightmare was realized. My best friend, my Mother had died.

And while, I will never be able to understand why she was taken so soon, I draw daily on the strength and love she instilled in me to get through these harder days.

With Mother's Day upon us - I brace myself -for the highs and lows of the day.  I know my son will carry me through -he keeps me in the present in the way only a child can. His joy is my joy and that is motherhood defined.

Tomorrow morning I know I will delight in the decorations he puts up for me- and that I will love the present he has been secretly working on, but I also know that within that joy I may also feel moments of sadness -missing being with my Mom in person. I have learned that is OK too because that is what is real and true for me. This day is bittersweet for so many and we must all be gentle with ourselves.

But as I move through the day, just as I do everyday,  I will draw upon the lessons my Mom taught me on how to live life fully, to love unconditionally -to laugh often and play daily. This is how she approached all parts of her life and especially motherhood. I know I now strive to do the same with my own son. In this way I know that her legacy lives on.

I will also remind myself of the blessing it was to be her daughter - to feel the gift of love she gave me daily and knowing that even still today it is her love that carries me through all my days -the good and the bad. I have come to realize that this is perhaps the magic all mother’s have - the power of our love.

So while I know this day can be filled with so many mixed emotions for many of us - this year especially I hope we all take moments to celebrate and be grateful for the many amazing women who help shape our lives - and for the truest gift that they give us all daily- their love.