What Matters Most
I was almost five when my brother was born. I remember the plastic heart filled with barrettes and bracelets that he gave me upon his arrival but in truth the real gift was him. I was obsessed with him even at that age, helping my Mom with everything. Of course with a five year age gap there have been times in the last 37 years where we were closer than others but in truth there was never a time he was not one of my favorite people. He put up with hours of playing school and babies as a child, he “thought” we played Nintendo together but it was only years later I confessed his remote control never worked, he was at every slumber party and birthday just as a little brother would be.
It was clear as we got older while we are both very hard workers and dedicated to our passions we were also opposites in many ways, I am very type a and like to have a plan and follow it and organizing and directing projects is where I shine. Ben is creative and musical, a performer, and a dreamer who executes those dreams- I never understand how but he does. He can talk to anyone and often does and I have always admired and longed for some of his free spirited ways. And yet we were raised the same way, we came from the same house with the same parents. We learned to throw peas at dinner and make farting jokes, we sang “beddy bye Land” at bedtime and played silly games on long car trips, we had inside jokes that connected us.
When we were kids I obviously didn’t think about what it would be like to be adults together but what a gift it is. We have been through all of life’s moments together, the good and the bad, watched each other graduate, spoke at each other’s weddings, supported each other through many moves and celebrated endless birthdays and holidays together. We’ve also navigated the hard times, the ER trips and hospital visits and of course supported each other as we learned how to live in the world again after the unexpected passing of our Mother eight years ago.
I do not take for granted the close relationship we have, and that I have now with his wife and he with my husband. And I am so grateful for the relationship he has with our son, a deep connection that runs between them that is amazing to watch. The joy and laughter and love we continue to share and find within each other is something I will forever be grateful for. And even though we live on opposite sides of the country, which endlessly upsets me, we still are in touch daily helping each other navigate life, from business to health to just being silly and laughing - he is truly one of my best friends.
When he and his wife called me at 11pm one night last September as I was falling asleep, I was trying to hang up on them when they blurted out, “we’re having a baby!” I started screaming and jumping up and down startling both my husband and dog but we were all thrilled. Of course it felt bittersweet that my Mom was not going to physically be here for this moment but how wonderful that another piece of her would soon come into this world. I am happy to share that my nephew arrived three weeks ago and he and his parents are doing so well. It was truly love at first sight and I could not wait to be with them- not just to meet my new nephew but to be with my brother and sister in-law as they became parents.
My nephew was alive for maybe 10 hours before I was looking at flights to California. While we already have a trip planned for the end of June it felt too long to wait to be there. I floated the idea to my husband who was very supportive and just as they were going home from the hospital I texted my brother, “I am looking at flights.” He was surprised but sent a smiley face back and we agreed to talk later.
A decade ago I would have bet a million dollars that I would not be able to travel alone to California on a plane or even be on a plane again. My brother asked me repeatedly, “are you sure you can handle this?” and every time I said that I knew I could. After one of those texts I asked my husband if he thought I was crazy to think I could handle this and he very wisely said, “aren’t these the moments that you have spent a decade healing to have? If you can’t push yourself to do these things what is the point of it all?” I knew he was right, and more I knew with every ounce of my being that I was meant to go be with them.
And so I did. I flew to and from California solo, I repeat, I flew to and from California solo! I spent three days with them. It was a true gift to have this time with them all and be able to help and support them in this amazing moment in their lives. I loved every coo and snuggle, every bottle feeding and diaper change I helped with. I loved helping make food and do dishes and giving them time and space to rest and catch up on life. More I loved my time to just be with them, to delight together in this new precious human and to watch them find joy as parents and to dream up all the fun we could share together in the coming weeks, months and years. It meant so much to me that I was able to show up when they needed help and to simply be there for them.
There have been many moments in life when I could not do things I wanted to freely, when I had to miss family gatherings, trips with friends. Moments when I had no choice but to stay home and many times I could not even do things alone. Yes, as expected, I have crashed and recovered since I returned home, but I didn’t have to miss this moment. This trip was both a testament of how far my healing has come and also a reminder that my future can be filled with more of these moments that matter most. Moments like when I was singing “Beddy Bye Land’ and rocking my sweet nephew to sleep, with tears in my eyes knowing I was exactly where I was meant to be and truly what a gift he is to us all.
