You Are My Sunshine

Last Thursday in the midst of the stress of the election and new COVID cases our son turned seven. It was a needed bright light in life right now. It still feels impossible to believe that seven years ago he came out -so early and so tiny but so strong. It was not exactly the pregnancy I had planned, hoping that I'd send my "allergies" into remission, of course, never imagining I would instead lose all control as my mast cells became enraged and attacked so severely I am even today, seven years later, trying to recover. I am pretty sure I would not have survived much longer had he not arrived when he did and thus my journey as a mother began.

I dreamed since I was a young girl about being a mother- having my own child to experience the world with. Though of course, at the time those dreams never included rare chronic and sometimes debilitating diseases for us both. I think often that had I known what was wrong with me before becoming pregnant my sensible self would have been afraid of pregnancy and I wonder if I ever would have gone through with it. I am thankful daily for the gift I have been given to be his mother- and for the pure joy he brings to my life.

My son is my sunshine in every way. He inspires my own fight for better health and gives me hope for a brighter future. He brings laughter and music and play to our lives daily. And in the challenging moments he has taught me lessons on life and love and what things are truly important.

I have always strived to ensure that our rare diseases will never define us or our relationship but it is impossible to ignore them. They are a part of us, present every day. I am so proud and amazed at how he deals with his own challenges and his ability to live life so fully everyday in spite of them. I often think how much he goes through daily that no one will ever see and yet he will never know any other way.

I still have my moments, of anger of and sadness that he must deal with any of this. I suppose it is only normal, but I remind myself of his strength and stubbornous that we both share. I know that he too will rise above them, just as he always has and I feel so blessed to be along for the ride.

So decorations were hung and balloons were put out, his family and friends showered him with love as we all celebrated the joy and magic he brings to our world and the deep love he gives us all so effortlessly. Happy happy my sweet boy….you will always be my sunshine.