Reimagining Tomorrows
So many times in the last seven years I have lost my normal - when my Mom died - when my mast cells took away my ability to go to a restaurant, to eat most foods, to travel, to freely go out and live life. After each loss I have found my new way-not without tears, frustration and anxiety as I try to chart my new course to whatever new version of normal awaited me but I have always found it.
I am practiced in this- in being nimble and adjusting our life when my body has other plans- never knowing when something I have done for years will suddenly be taken from me. I never have warning - or reasons why- in truth I have stopped looking for them. But it doesn’t make it any easier when it happens.
In an instant in March the world we knew fell apart - and it is clear that it won’t be returning- no matter how long we wait. And so we must find ways to make this new way of life seem normal once again.
It will be hard to figure out- it always is- there have been many days recently where I felt overwhelmed with the decisions I have to make constantly weighing our safety against doing something. But like always, I know that my combined stubbornness and creativity will be used to propel us forward just as it does every time our life unexpectedly changes. It is up to me to imagine our new future and ways of doing things safely to live in what is now our normal.
I have no patience for people unwilling to wear masks - refusing to adjust their behavior to fit within the confines of our new societal norms. I’ve been wearing masks for years- almost all mast cell patients wear them to enter society - they allow us freedom to do things when we otherwise would not be able to- protecting us from the triggers all around us. I remember though in my early years of my diagnosis - I hated my mask- I hated wearing it feeling that It made my once invisible rare disease visible. I soon realized though without it i would give up the ability to do things I love. It was not a sign of weakness to wear one but a sign of strength- of having some control over my reality. This is no different now for us all- we have the power to keep things at bay- we are in control of how long this goes on -if only everyone believed this.
On Sunday I watched one of my best friends get married on zoom- not allowing our new reality to ruin her future. Yes-her family wore masks and none of us were with her in person but their love and ours for them was still palpable. They rose above COVID and still found a way to move their life forward- and in doing so I think provided us all with even a tiny bit of hope for our future.
The officiant of their wedding quoted Joni Mitchell’s song “The Circle Game”- “There will be new dreams maybe better dreams a plenty.” And I know this is true. We can’t wait forever to adjust our dreams for the future - and I know at least I can’t continue functioning without believing there is a future that allows for us to thrive in a normal that is within a pandemic.
Just as my dreams have shifted for my own life from my mast cell disease - it now shifts again- as I reimagine our tomorrows. So take a deep breath -imagine new dreams - brighter tomorrows and please please I beg you -WEAR A MASK!!!
